Tuesday, June 1, 2010

Easily Distracted? This is not the place -- Ooo Something Shiny!

Three day weekends are not as exciting when you don't have a job to go to the next week.

Friday was my last day at my old job. Truthfully, I haven't quite had the chance to do a happy dance since we were frantically trying to get out of town to beat the Memorial Day weekend traffic.

The weekend was nice and low-key, saw the "in-laws," spent time at BBQs with some friends we haven't seen in a while, and we had a truly unique dining experience.

Sunday afternoon we had a few appearances to make at a different BBQ's, but I wanted to get something to eat first since I didn't anticipate finding too much vegan food at one of these cookouts in Madison, WI aka "America's Dairyland." I would have brought along my own veggie burgers or veggie dogs, but I didn't feel like buying an entire pack to eat just one and then abandon them at R's parents' house as we drive back to Chi town.

So, R took me to a place in town called Ella's Deli. I've passed by this place with R while cavorting about town over the past few years, but I've never been compelled to visit.

From the street, it looks like a big-top circus. Kind of creepy, if you ask me. Clowns are scary as shit. Don't believe me? Haven't you ever seen "IT?" "Killer Klowns from Outer Space?" There's a reason that clowns make good horror movie fodder: because like twins and octogenarians - they should seem completely innocuous, but they are actually terrifying. Because they will cut a bitch. Or turn into demon spawn and creepily appear in hotel hallways or bathtubs.

Yes, I'm aware that all my pre-conceived notions about horror movies come from The Shining, but damn if that isn't a scary book/movie.

What was I saying? Oh, right. Ella's Deli. Anyway, despite the fact that clowns creep me out, I was dying for a salad and they had 3 full pages of salads on their online menu. Awesome, where do I sign up?

We got to Ella's Deli, and what I found inside was not at all creepy. It was actually pretty damn cool, with all kinds of cool moving gizmos and gadgets a-plenty - all creating an environment entirely detrimental to someone like me with ADD, who incidentally forgot to take her medication that weekend. It happens. Especially when I'm away from home and off my normal routine...

I'm not too worried about being off the medication for a bit since I'm not working this week, but to give you a rough example of my level of distractibility: what I've written thus far in this post has taken me about 8 hours. It takes more than a few days off Adderall for my ADD to get pretty bad, but after about 2 days I have difficulty (well, more difficulty) focusing in a conversation. I make (considerably more) random noises, speak in accents, and add sound effects to most bodily actions. And I won't just do it once. I'll space out while doing it and get stuck in a loop like a broken record because I'm thinking about what the white stuff in the middle of York Peppermint Patty is made of and before I know it I've done the "wha-pshhh" whipping noise 5 times in a row to R's mom after I promised I'd keep him in line when we get home.

In fact, while you are talking I'm more likely to be thinking how cool the fraggles were than about the words coming out of your mouth. Which is why at times like these, I simply can't handle the numerous overstimulating obstacles presented by Ella's Deli.

I have no other way to describe my experience except by picture. Behold:

Here is what I see as we sit down. Each table has a different theme and has various old-skool toys displayed under plexiglass. From puppets, to yo-yos, to... yes, legos.

They sat us at a table with an entire lego land under plexiglass. And what is that gray twinkie in R's hand? A magnet. A magnet used to control lego cars under the plexiglass. So, what you're telling me is that not only have you seated me at a table with legos to "ooo" and "ahh" over beneath a layer of plexiglass, but you also made my table interactive? Bad move # 1.

I proceeded to spend the next 5 minutes photographing the lego people and using my own gray twinkie to attempt to create head on collisions between lego cars.

See below:

This is me, riding on my new lego clipless pedals. No falling down, see?

Clearly there has to be a man in a chef hat next to a downed bike. I probably left it there after crashing into him.
How can I not try to create lego mayhem with head on collisions?
Vroom, bitches!

I look behind R's head and I see this:

Poor visual due to excessive back lighting and crappy camera phone. But that's R. Isn't he cuuuuute?

Great. A giant, spinning ferris wheel. That won't distract me at -- whoa, look at that!

To my left:

Sweet, a carousel!!! Look at all the pretty horsies!!! Hey, look at that one! That one has an awesome mane! I totally want to go ride that after I -- what's that!?

Above my head:

Holy shit! Is that the girl from the Blind Melon video flying above us!? How do they get it to go back and forth across the ceiling like that? I wonder if they leave it on when the restaurant is closed? Huh? Oh, the menu? Oh, the waitress has been back 3 times now? Alright, I'll pick something to eat and then get back to thinking about that Blind Melon song...

Wait. This is the menu?  How am I supposed to pick something to eat from a menu longer than War and Peace? There are just so many pages... I wonder if they can substitute...

Hey look! Popeye! And an astronaut! And monkeys! And the Yellow Submarine! And Spiderman!

And Spongebob!

Oooo, fishies!!!!

No way, HARRY POTTER!!?!?!

A ROBOT!?!? 
Ps - those screens are surveillance cameras. There's me in the lower left hand screen. Say hi!

And all of these things are flying across the ceiling and blinking and flashing and generally being sparkly and awesome. Do they come alive at night, like the movie Night at the Museum? How do they build all these fun toys? Do they ever break down? Has anyone ever tried to steal them? HEY LOOK, CANDY!!!!!

And thus ends the story of how it took me over an hour to order and consume a baked potato and not a salad as I originally intended.. 

And how it took me well over 10 hours to write a blog post about it.


I need to get back on Adderall tomorrow.

T: "Hey, did you mail our netflix?"

R: *opens his mouth to respond*

T: "It's hot over here. My butt is sticky!"

R: "Um. No, I haven't mailed our netflix yet."

T: *Spontaneous sounds* "Rahhhhhhrrrrr! Berrrrbb! Badoop-badoop-badoop-BAH!"


Remember when I said I get paranoid about people spying on me while I google?

R caught me googling "Sweating like a whore on dollar day." Apparently this is funny.


We have more ice cream in our freezer than should be legally allowed.

10 flavors of ice cream. 10. And a box of flavor ice. Maybe this is why we can't fit real food into our freezer. And why I have this much energy at 2 AM.

Also, please note the 6 boxes of cereal. There are 2 of us.


It is now 2:30 AM and I have spent 10+ hours writing this post. If my focus continues at this rate, you can probably expect another post in about a month. 

Just kidding.

But not really.

Please don't leave me.


steff said...

i feel like that at diners. like at first it's awesome, SO MANY CHOICES!!! but then i just start to shut down due to overstimuli and end up ordering the same thing i do everywhere else for simplicities sake.
don't they know that sometimes less is MORE?

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